Grape expectations

Grapes! Millions of 'em!

When I run my face goes red. That’s pretty standard, it happens to a lot of people. But if I run for long enough my skin goes a shade past red, my cheeks start to bruise and the colour gets darker, deeper, fans out across the rest of my face.

I go purple. I go purple and my head to starts to look like a grape on a man’s shoulders. The situation isn’t improved by the fact that I have very little hair left on top of my head. At least if I had hair I might look like a Munch Bunch character or something. But sadly not, I just look like a f*****g grape.

A grape on a man's shoulders

This phenomenon, the grape-head phenomenon, is no cause for alarm though. It’s actually quite normal, in fact it’s a sign that your body and brain are working in tandem. You see, the brain has a kind of inner thermometer that sends signals out when the body starts to get hot during exercise. “We’re getting too hot here! Carry more blood to the skin’s surface! Quick!” Your brain screams that and all of this warm, oxygenated blood rushes to the surface of the skin, causing us to sweat and cool off. That’s what makes you go red.

So this going purple thing isn’t a bad sign at all. Quite the opposite – I’m healthy, robust, an apple cheeked farmer’s child. My body and my brain are wise and they know when to turn the cheek’s into cauldrons. I’m totally fine. Robert Pattinson on the other hand …